Reflecting upon my last seven years being a father, as this Father’s Day fast approaches, led me back to a conversation I had a year or so ago with a friend about the time of her own father’s passing. Her father, having played a important role in my own development at a complicated time in my life, led me to wonder out loud to her what her advice, as a daughter and mother of two daughters herself, would be for a dad in the early innings of the this difficult, and yet incredibly rewarding fathering game. She was kind enough to tell me then, while grieving the loss of her own father, and she has been kind enough now to allow us to re-post her wise advice on Father’s Day. So with out further adieu, let me present our conversation we had regarding fatherhood.
My question to Colleen:
Colleen, given the relationship with your father and your own experience as a mother, as well as a daughter, could you give me the essence of advice (say maybe three things to do and not to do as general guidelines) on how to be the best father I can to my own daughter. I have come to the game of fatherhood late and want to do the best I can. I trust your experience as a both a mother and as someone who has been willing to understand more deeply their human experience.
Colleen’s Response:
Well, I have never thought about it from this perspective before. I would have to say, be involved, ask questions, and make the time to listen. Make time to just talk even if it is on a car ride, make a lunch date. Hug. Make them feel beautiful, important and special. Self confidence is an amazing gift for a daughter. Most importantly, be there, when they feel like everyone else has walked out. Friends come and go, as do boyfriends, but dads are forever. Make sure she knows that. There is nothing like a big bear hug from a dad.
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I hope this advice helps all the fathers out there be the best they can be for their daughters and sons, giving the next generation the support they need now, so they can grow up and tackle the difficult problems we have left them to solve tomorrow. A heartfelt thanks to Colleen, a person–even though she will deny it–who has taught me more then she will ever know about what is important in life. Also, to Bill, in whatever blissful realm you reside, for helping to scratch off that crusty spiritual wound–the source of so much pain for others–allowing me begin the process of my own healing and personal redemption. Whatever good I am today, began–unbeknownst to me at the time–by watching you begin the walk on your own spiritual path many years ago. You are appreciated and are not forgotten.
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You can contact Art at art@creativemarbles.com or, read his short biography.
Photo Credit: Creative Marbles Consultancy 2012
