Ok. It’s true. The senior will be the one actually attending college. The senior will be the one ultimately writing and submitting her/his college applications. And, at the same time, seniors are qualified and competitive for college, as a result of working with their parents over the years. (Think: mom and dad’s taxi service to and from nightly soccer practice, late night runs to Staples for poster boards due tomorrow, but assigned two weeks ago, vacations paid for by mom and dad to visit colleges all over the state, tutoring for spelling tests…the list could extend on and on.) So, when we hear parents referring to, “We’re going to be applying to ______ college,” their sentiments make perfect sense. The entire family is feeling ownership over the process. Plus, moms and dads will often be footing at least part of the bill for college expenses–further investing in their senior’s college experience.
The trick (and this is an ever-evolving “fine line”) is how to work alongside each other throughout the college application and essay writing processes. The college essay should definitely be in the student’s voice–this DOESN’T mean that parents should not review their senior’s essays. Parents’ suggestions should be given in the form of questions–challenging the senior to think through her/his writing, so their meaning is clear. On paying for college, seniors and parents need to have a series of on-going conversations about the family’s resources and ability to assist the student given the current forecasted expense of a college degree. The more objective the conversations, the more the senior will understand the value of the next 4 years of their life and why they’re attending college. Understanding the value of college will help them write more competitive essays, since seniors will be clear about why and how they will thrive at said college–creating the most persuasive reasoning for college admissions officers to consider. See the virtuous cycle for the senior? (By the way, younger siblings also benefit from these conversations, as they understand their choices and can plan even further in advance for their college expenses.)
The family dynamics may be challenged with these conversations–changing the role of parent and child–which actually just may be accelerating the transition of teens to adulthood.
