When is “enough”, enough? To answer this question, let’s define “enough”. In my experience, an outside (read: someone else’s) definition of “enough” may provide a starting point, but knowing when I’m “enough” is an inside job. Clients and friends time and again have reinforced the notion that “trusting my own experience” will be the true definition of “enough.”
I recently listened to a client share her concerns that her 11th grade son worried that he’s not choosing the “right” summer activity to be competitive for a “good” (read: prestigious, brand name) college. She was uneasy that the achievements of being in the top 1% of his graduating class of an accelerated academic magnet program, a Varsity Captain, helping the community and being a generally respectful kid, her son still felt somehow “not enough” in the competition of college admissions. The mom and her son’s thoughts are typical. Despite achieving, students still may not feel “enough”. Again, an outside, in this case mom’s and possibly other societal standards, might deem this kid to be more than enough, yet, he’s sensing (realistically or not) a lacking.
In one sense, “not enough” can be motivating. The hunger to improve and push oneself can fuel confidence and an adventuresome spirit to fully embrace life. In another sense, “not enough” can weaken fortitude and become reason (or a habitualized rationale) to seek only the familiar. Sometimes, a combination of both ends up occurring. However, for the college-bound, the college application process can expose “not enough” thoughts, as now applicants are compiling in written form (i.e. the application and college essay) their entire life’s experience–plain to see for themselves, admissions officers, family, friends, the world–vying for a coveted acceptance letter. For added complexity, the admissions competition will happen in the unseen minds of college admissions officers, in rooms away from the applicant, in many cases without a face-to-face conversation, not to mention not ever meeting the totality of other applicants (i.e. competitors) on a single battlefield–like some epic sports contest–to demonstrate how one can compete. Who wouldn’t be nervous and wondering how they size up to the others in the applicant pool, wondering, “Am I ‘enough'”?
The back and forth mental wrangling with being enough, not being enough, being enough for this college, but not for that college can be folded into the college application and admissions process. I see it play out amongst seniors and their parents every application season. What can happen is that an acceptance letter to a “selective” college can become a personal validation of a young life’s work and intellect. Then, the applicant is back to looking for an outside confirmation of “enough-ness.” In the end, “enough” is determined on the inside and for ourselves. The definition can change over time, as our experience informs our confidence. For now, be patient–both teens with the college application process stirring self-searching questions and for parents, to stand by and watch their offspring work through these life-lesson-type questions. Then, the college admissions and application processes are an opportunity to learn more about oneself and gain confidence in “being enough.”
