College that mythical, out there place that’s simultaneously used to motivate and be a warning through the first 10 years of school–then, transforms, seemingly in a flash, when 11th grade rolls around and every parent seems to be talking about SAT this and ACT that, plus asking, “What colleges will you tour? We toured X, Y & Z over the summer? And, so-and-so loved X, but hated Y & Z. Where does your kid want to apply? Oh, you don’t know yet. That’s okay, there’s plenty of time,” leaving the second parent breathlessly wondering, “Am I behind? Will our little so-and-so be outed before the race even starts?” And, so the stress begins mounting. Not to mention if there’s a news report about tuitions rising again or at holiday dinners the annual parental bragging of so-and-so cousin being accepted at such-and-such school, “Isn’t it unbelievable?” can seemingly compound the pressure. In possibly a knee-jerk fashion, parents start asking their kid more frequently about college, SAT’s, ACT’s and AP classes; suggesting weekend visits to local colleges open houses through the fall and winter; asking for recommendations from colleagues and sisters-in-law; annual meetings with financial planners and tax accountants suddenly focus on college savings (or lack there of) and moving assets to look as poor as possible to create “financial need” – while the Junior teenager either rolls their eyes or knowing the chatter they’re hearing daily at school (and throughout the holiday season) begins their internal calculations of how to respond so mom and dad are assuaged, yet may be building their own stresses. The (seemingly) constant yammering builds a frenetic energy around college admissions, that becomes a virtuous cycle.
Often, parents will call wondering if they’re behind and its too late to get started planning. They seem to be not only hoping that they’re not behind, but also that they don’t need to start putting more conscious effort toward college anytime soon. For these Junior parents, college can signify the beginning of the end of childhood–even if they can’t quite put that into words (or maybe want to–is more accurate.) The college admissions process is multifaceted, yet relatively unchanged in decades. The complexity is in the details, and compounded by both the numbers of students applying and the continuing rise in costs and tuition, while the discretionary cash family’s have to pay the rising costs is shrinking or stagnating. Not every student will go to Harvard, as has been the case in its 400 year history–but somehow, the single digit admit rates put additional prestige on a Harvard acceptance and pressure on the latest generation of students who feel entitled to be admitted–even if they’re not remotely considering to apply. The “trickle down” stress from highly selective colleges to the least selective, yet still worthwhile investments, begins pervading seemingly every conversation a Junior and her/his parents begin having. So, college starts to take on unusually large proportions and extreme importance. What begins happening is a sorting of sorts. Reactions vary based on the temperament and proclivity of both the parent and the Junior. In the absence of objectivity and accurate information, some families begin climbing the steep learning curve about today’s college admissions process (which on paper hasn’t changed in decades, just the sheer numbers of applicants may have shifted how the process is applied in reality) to garner as much information as possible in a shotgun, maverick type approach, that the internet and 97,400,000 million hits on a Google search for “college admission” seduces us into over-estimating our individual agency. Other families will approach the basics, registering for the SAT’s and ACT’s at some point in the Junior year, thinking, “We’ll have summer to plan,” dismissing their own experiences with summer breaks, when the family schedule seems more busy than during the regular school year. Yet, other families will seek more objective guidance and be more systematic in their search for answers–treating college as another project to be managed–finding ways to work with professionals that compliment their efforts. How families engage the college admissions process will reveal new awarenesses about both the Junior and the parent, as well as make public the sorting between peers (that may have been occurring for years)–which can be simultaneously enlightening, infuriating and shine the light on touchy spots that may not have been previously exposed–as the herd of groupthink is having to consider their individual options, and possibly travel in Robert Frost’s words, “the road not taken.”
No matter the reaction to college applications’ approach in a year’s time, college applications will still be due in a year’s time. For parents, that may not seem like much time. However, in our experience, college admissions time frames are like “dog years”–each day taking on seven times its minute value. With consistent effort that seems to come in fits and starts, Juniors will continue completing the requirements necessary to be ready for applications in Fall 2013. The majority of the work as a Junior is going to come in defining the student’s value of a college experience, then matching their values with the colleges that exist. Let me say that again…start with a thorough reflection of one’s own values, THEN match the college to you. Harvard is not for everyone. As a Junior, you can consciously choose to reject Harvard. Juniors and their parents are in the driver’s seat at this point in the process.
Photo Credit: Art Baird, Creative Marbles Consultancy 2012
