Many seniors are in the midst of applying to college. What that may mean to an outsider is an opportunity to enter into a conversation, small talk or a polite (i.e. socially acceptable) inquiry; however, “So where are you applying to college?” may unwittingly trigger a frustrated response or terse answer. (Seniors often tell us that they wish everyone would stop asking them about college.) College essays and applications ask Seniors to answer complex questions about their future goals, while reflecting on their experiences and their significance. (Not a task many adults take on willingly or often, let alone a 17 year old teenager.) The stress created can be internalized (or externalized) depending on the student.
Instead, don’t say anything AT ALL about college. Give Seniors some space to complete their applications, then wait until they re-adjust to “normal” life. Talk about the deliciousness of Auntie’s pie or your latest golf score. The distraction may be welcomed.
If still compelled to inquire about college, here’s some suggestions:
- What’s been the most difficult part of choosing colleges for application?
- What else would you rather be doing on your Thanksgiving holiday than completing college applications?
- “I bet you’re glad to be taking a break right now, instead of sitting at the computer writing essays.”
- “I remember feeling like the rest of my life is going to be determined on every word I wrote in my college essays. Do you feel like that too?”
The teenager may still not respond with more than a short, polite answer. However, the understanding may go a long way to helping them to know that they will survive the stress of applying to college.
In addition to What to Say or Not Say, during the holiday break–since University of California applications and several other private and public colleges are due back-to-back November 30th and December 1, here’s a list of Do’s & Don’t’s:
- DO encourage the Senior to complete the college essays and applications in pieces, over time.
- DO ask the Senior to write down questions about filling in the boxes in online college applications and call the help line during their hours of operation
- DO NOT over-schedule family events. “Sacrificing” one holiday weekend for a Senior’s future college education may have greater benefits, than keeping tradition. Relatives who’re supportive of the Senior and their future will understand.
- DO NOT mention late nights at the computer, telling the student that they’re staying up too late. Teenager’s clocks can work on different schedules than an adult; plus, when a writer’s inspiration strikes may be best to go with the flow, so the Senior submits the MOST confident, competitive college essay possible.
- Lastly, DO NOT take any emotional outbursts personally. (See above about the stress of college applications, which parents may also be feeling as well.)
Thirdly, What to Expect and Not Expect:
- If a Senior is compelled to attend family events, DO NOT expect the Senior to be “their normal selves.” S/He may be withdrawn, contemplating the next paragraph, or simply exhausted from the continuous efforts to complete college applications.
- Expect that Seniors will try every rationale to see friends–especially college freshman friends home for the break. While knowing that college applications are due, the Senior may underestimate the time needed to complete applications or overestimate their abilities to complete the college applications on time. Make decisions to allow students a “break” to socialize, accordingly.
- Procrastination can be expected. One, any normal human being tends to avoid difficult situations, or activities they don’t like, even when one knows s/he must complete the task anyways. (Ever seen the miles long line of cars at the main post office on April 15th?) Two, teenagers tend to overlay their everyday homework completing process to the college application completing process. How often do you find yourself reminding Seniors about regular homework assignment deadlines and worrying they’re waiting too long to get started?
- Expect that the Senior (and often parents) at some point will start feeling impatient to be done with the college applications. DO NOT let momentary impatience lead to an impulsive click of the “Submit” button, without a thorough check of the application and essay for errors. Everyone will feel more confident in the final product.
- Expect the Senior to start downsizing their list of colleges for application, or talking about Community College, even though for their entire lives they’ve rejected even a mention of the possibility. They may feel intimidated by the effort involved to apply in a youthful off-the-cuff reaction to the stress.
The college application and essay writing process can create a variety of reactions and stress levels. No family will follow all the Do’s an Don’ts or perfectly Say and Not Say during the heavy college application submission period–roughly November through January. There will be some unexpected, last minute, OMG moments, as with any experience. But, then, haven’t there been a few of those on the journey to even qualify for college? The college applications and essays are just the next challenge in a line of challenges to get to college.
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Photo Credit: University of Minnesota Libraries UThink Blogs
